The Madonna-Whore Complex

and the objectification of women.

‘I know you haven’t been intimate with any other man since your boyfriend (ex) left in 2023’. This was what a friend (ex) said to me a few days ago and I was not prepared for his reaction when I told him I’ve been with not one, not two but a thousand men 🙂‍↔️.

The awkward silence after I told him I’ve been the mayor of bop town💀 was deafening. He finally broke the silence and said ‘that’s strange, I’ve always considered you as a pure and virtuous woman’. When I asked him what part of me gave the impression of a woman that does not get laid, he was unable to give a coherent response.

I found this very laughable and remembered the Madonna-Whore Complex. It is a psychological concept where women are viewed as either virtuous (Madonna) or promiscuous (Whore) with no in between. This concept mostly applies to men and women with internalized misogyny.

Now this is not the first person I’ve met with this mindset. Infact, we see them everyday in our parents, friends, coworkers or even random people on the street. That bike man calling you ashawo because you refused to be cheated views Ashawo as the highest level of insult that can be given to a woman because of the MWC.

Women are refrained from being sexual beings which is very confusing because men in this part of the world are mostly homophobic so who do you want to be having sex with?

Married women (of older generations) have expressed how hard it is to initiate sexy time with their husbands because of fear of being accused of promiscuity.

Women are afraid of expressing themselves sexually through trying new things because they are constantly shamed for their sexual experiences.

Very funny for the gender that cheats because of lack of sexual satisfaction.

Virginity, the ridiculous social construct, is also based on the Madonna-Whore Complex. This mostly caters to women as men will brag about how it can never be determined whether a man is a virgin or not. One of my uncle saw me holding hands with a boy the year I finished secondary school and told my dad he would not be attending my wedding because by then, I would not be a virgin anymore and he would be ashamed 😂💀. (Me wey be lesbian 🙂‍↔️)

I was a relationship girlie right from time and I love sticking to one man at a time (mainly because most of them are idiots and it’s easier to entertain one idiot than multiple) so I never really had an issue with this. But the first time I tried a casual thing and told a friend about it, I got slut shamed. It didn’t make sense to me back then but she was older and knew better so I swallowed it and closed my legs.

As I grew older and knew better, I found out sexual liberation is not a sin. Whether you’re doing it for pleasure or the thrill of experience or for financial gain, it’s yours to do. Being called an Ashawo is honestly not an insult anymore because as a woman, you’re either viewed as a saint or a sinner based on what goes on (or in) between your legs and I would rather be a sinner.

Sexuality is not black and white nor is it a direct representation of your virtues. Whatever goes on between your legs does not define who you are as a woman (As long as you’re being safe). I can be freaky under (and over) the sheets and still be an upstanding person.

I encourage women to be sexual beings, know what makes you tick, what makes you happy. Whether you’re straight or lesbian or asexual, your worth is not in between your legs, never has and never will be.

P.S - My first draft on this vanished into thin air and I had to write this again so like and comment to make it count please🥺.

Super P.S - WGFT🙂‍↔️