The one where I found a safe space

But wrong timing 🥹

I can’t believe I’ve hit a thousand subscribers 😱. Oh my goodness, I’ve been away for so long that I did not know this small beautiful creation of mine already had a thousand subscribers even though I’ve not been active in 2 months. Missed you guys so much by the way🥹.

Hi besties, sorry for ghosting you guys (bad habit I learnt from relationships/ situationships/entanglements🌚). Anyways, feels so good to be writing to you guys today.

Lately, I’ve stayed away from writing because I was not in a good place physically and mentally which is ironic because that is usually my inspiration. I’m used to writing when things are going wrong because it serves as an escape from reality. Four days ago, someone I used to write for anonymously contacted me to write a short prose about love. I declined at first because I was with my family, I had a lot going on and I had not written in a while so I might be a little rusty but the offer was tempting so I took it anyways. Now, when I sent the piece to my client who I had written 5 different pieces for in the past, he said that was the best I’ve ever done which felt like an insult 😂 but thinking about it now, it was just the motivation I needed to go back to writing.

Now, ‘The one where I found a safe space but wrong timing🥹’: Sometimes a year ago, I wrote here about my savior complex and how I kept giving and giving without receiving and how much it hurts to be everyone’s safe space but having to go through my own stuffs without leaning on anyone. Recently, I discovered a safe space. I did not even realize it was a safe space at first until yesterday. There is nothing that matters most to me than being heard and listened to. This safe space allows me to express myself and vent as much as I want without being judged or interrupted. This safe space has been giving me so much and it has never asked for anything in return. Agreed, this is probably the sweetest thing that has happened to me this year (2024 has been a lot for me Walahi🥹) but like I said, wrong timing. I don’t know if my mind is playing tricks on me or if I’m correct but things like this rarely lasts for long with me. This has been making it so difficult for me to emotionally attach myself to this safe space. In fact, I want to push it away as far as possible because if there is one thing that I detest most in my life, it’s disappointment. Also, I’m not even supposed to find this safe space in the first place. It’s exhausting fr.

But I also realized something else:

• Why do I constantly feel like I don’t deserve stuffs like this?

• Why do I feel like everything has to be hard work?

• Why can’t I just accept that some things comes with ease and they are genuine and pure?

• What if it’s not even genuine? That does not mean I should not enjoy it while it lasts.

So I came to a conclusion. I’m going to enjoy this safe space as long as it lasts and if it stops being a safe space, I’ll move on and hopefully, another safe space with ease will come my way😊.

This life is meant to be enjoyed especially since I’m not interested in reincarnating 😂 so I’ll take everything good that comes my way with no guilt 🥂.

P.S: I think y’all should listen to Hozier so we can gist about how much he sings of devotion and love🥹.

Another P.S: This school is draining the life out of me but fortunately, I will be done in November 😍.

Super P.S: I read The Temptress: The Scandalous Life of Alice, Countess de Janze and I think she is iconic😂.

Love,

Adesewa❤️